Rheumy Wellness

 

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MY STORY

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“Without struggle I would not have stumbled upon my strength”

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Such a powerful statement. Although, at one time I did not feel that way. I frequently found myself saying WHY?! Why is all of this happening to me. Why is there so much adversity in my life? I am powerless. I believed I was powerless so therefore I was. Until I made a mental shift I was incapable of making a physical shift and reinventing myself.

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“God does not give you anything you can’t handle”

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I say this mantra to myself all the time. Now it has a different meaning, I know that you face challenges to help you grow. I know that if you ask for strength, you aren’t given strength you are given the opportunity to become strong. If you ask for patience, you are given the opportunity to show patience. If you ask for positivity, you are given the opportunity to be positive in the face of adversity. I know this now, but at the time I remember thinking WHY WHY WHY. You are really pushing it here, why me, why are all the horrible things happening. My fathers cancer, loss of family homes in a wildfire, my grandmas sepsis, and then the dark and devastating things I was seeing at work as a paramedic  I love my family more than anything and I supported them gladly, but I started to resent “caregiving” at work. I was very negative and angry. I began to resent my patients, but over sympathized with caregivers of said patients. This lead me down a very dark path, that eventually ended with a diagnosis of PTSD, OCD, anxiety, and depression. After ALOT of personal development, therapy, and finding my passion again I was able to go back to work full-time with no fear and was finally starting to feel normal again.

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“Some woman are lost in the fire. Some woman are built in it.”

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I had faced all that adversity and made it to the other side! But I also gained over 80lbs in the mean time. I used food as an emotional crutch and I constantly felt like I was fatigued and I never wanted to get out of bed. It was a struggle but I knew I wanted to make a change I just wasn’t sure how. Before I had a chance to really explore that I started to have extreme pain in my joints, particularly my hands. I ignored it, and continued to work. Eventually I could not ignore it anymore. I was unable to lift 0.5 lbs let alone a patient on a stretcher. I was diagnosed with repetitive stress injury and tendonitis. I was off work for several months and did extensive physiotherapy. I was not improving and the pain was getting unbearable. Some days I could not even dress myself, I was exhausted just wanting to sleep all the time. Then to top it all off I started having idiopathic anaphylaxis reactions - no cause, no reason, always at the most inconvenient times. I literally felt useless. My work was accusing me of making up my injury, that I should be better by now. I was unable to contribute at home, I felt like a burden to my fiancé. Finally, I refused to take no for an answer and told my family doctor I wanted more testing. Reluctantly he agreed to an MRI and to send me to a rheumatologist. After scans, blood work, and finally seeing a specialist I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA). Are you kidding me? My doctor and other people in my life started to tell me to work on plan B, you probably won’t be able to continue a career as a paramedic. I was devastated, but I refused to give up. Thankfully, my rheumatologist was very supportive. He told me you know your body best, if we can get it under control with medication and you put the work in physically you will be able to go back to work and have a long career. That took a huge weight off my chest and I started doing as much research as I could about RA. I decided to try a more anti-inflammatory diet. I cut out gluten and dairy. I continued with physiotherapy and slowly started working out and building strength. I will not lie it was a slow and painful process, but I was driven. I refused to let RA beat me. After seven months of being off work I was finally able to come back full-time and continue my job as a paramedic. But just hitting the bare minimum, just surviving was not enough for me.

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“It’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you are proud of, and if you find that you are not...I hope you have the strength to start over.”

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I wasn’t happy surviving. I felt like I had neglected relationships, I had neglected my dreams, I had neglected my fiancé, and most importantly I had neglected myself. I set out to change that, to reinvent myself. I just wasn’t really sure how...this lead me to health and wellness. I learned that I felt lost, because I was without purpose. I learned that I can’t take care of others if I can’t take care of myself. I learned it’s not about how you cross the finish line, but just that you cross it. And most importantly, I learned that I am motivated by inspiring and empowering others. I had found my purpose. I was assigned this mountain to show others it can be moved. I still have difficult days and I struggle, but I know when I wake up every day and look in the mirror I KNOW that I have given my 100 % and that is all we can ask of ourselves.

 

Thank you for wanting to hear more about me!

 

XOXO Meg

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Remember you are all warriors, always be gentle with yourself. You are doing the BEST you can!